On Projection

A lot of this is going to come out as word vomit, because they are thoughts that just have to be poured at the moment. 

I have a former friend, who in all honesty, I am not even sure that she truly was a friend. We had a disagreement a time ago, months ago in fact, about the war. We have differing opinions, though we are both against it. I disagreed with her, and all hell broke loose. It was amazing, really, considering the age of this woman, nearly 34. Through our entire relationship, it seemed as though I was giving and she was taking. We invited her to come sell at the farmer’s market, she told me things-very unhappy things about her marriage, her relationships with her children, the dynamic between her children and her husband, etc. All not so great.

Recently, I decided to sell homemade laundry soap, something she had been selling, but considering we were no longer friends-as far as I saw-and she lives no place near here, I gave it a go and have been doing very well with it! I

So to backtrack a bit, she and I had started talking again, but it was all surface garbage. Pleasantries and such. When she discovered I was selling laundry powder and selling it successfully, she decided to start blogging about me in a not so nice way. She even went so far as to take it to a message board that we are both on, a message board where I have a good reputation for being a nice person-just like I do in real life. I stopped talking to her altogether at that point, as her maturity level for a 34 year old is absolutely astounding…and not good astounding.

Time and again through our relationship she referred to us as “you kids” and other ‘you guys are younger than me so therefore, I am better and know more’ sorts of derogations. She came to our home and would stay for a few days at a time because she did not want to go home. She did not want to be in the environment that her husband and children were in-and I don’t blame her, it was tense and filled with all manner of woefullness. I listened to her. I listened to her tell me how she admires how I love my children (her relationship with her children is a very interesting dynamic-it is VERY clear she favors the younger over the elder-and even that relationship is strange,) I listened to her tell me how she admired my home and family. I know she never cared for my husband, but I can understand that, she thought she was better than he….in fact, I truly feel she thought-and still thinks-she is better than both of us. Now, in her blog, she says things about our age and maturity levels, and how our life is not as “rosey-posey” and we would like people to believe. I find that highly interesting, considering her posts on the message board. Her husband becomes super pagan and all of a sudden everything between them is jelly beans again. Interesting. Let’s just cover up the jalopy with a cut out of a prius so we don’t see what the ugly jalopy really looks like. When we wear bags over our heads, everything is bliss, right?

So ultimately, her opinion of herself, and her life, she is projecting on me, which I find very interesting, considering-because of how I have been burned in ‘friendships’ in the past-I never really truly let he know much about me or my life, my family, etc. She was never truly on the inside to even make a summation about who we really are, the way we live, treat people, behave, etc.

My husband and I were talking in general terms last night about relationships. We have watched, recently, a couple we know who never should have gotten together, split up. We both called it. they kept secrets from each other, they were hateful to each other, they did not share their lives with each other. We spoke then on ourselves. We both so highly enjoy our marriage and our friendship and everything about one another. We are together and where we always wanted to be. Neither of us see any darkness to come inour relationship because we talk about everything. We share everything. We know everything there is to know about each other. Sure we may disagree now and again about whatever, we may have annoying habits, but ultimately we know the other is human and we also know that there is not another person in the world who has the manual on either of us….and there never will be. Intimacy is wonderful, and when you don’t have that, you don’t have happiness, you don’t have friendship, it is easy to project that on others. Misery loves company. It is easy to get yourself so involved in yourself, in your projects, that things piss you off easily and you can’t be wrong about anything. I understand that.

I am glad she is not my friend. She never really was anyhow.

To be honest, I was hoping for a relationship end sometime mid Summer. I was tired of “the queen”-whatever the hell that is suppose to mean.

So my husband and myself will go on living our lives, happily and contentedly, rearing our girls, growing our gardens and animals-when they all arrive (very very soon! So exciting, buildings are almost set!) living our bliss. We won’t be forcing each other to live the other’s bliss, we are on this journey together and neither of us could be happier or more joyful. And we have the people we care about most, who can be disagreed with and still be our friends, who don’t always have to be right, and who care for us for who we are, not what we can benefit them. Life is good. Very good.