On bleeding

I awoke with the Solstice covered in blood.

My Moontime decided to come exactly 28 days since the last. The Moon was in Her first day as maiden and I woke up a mess. The day didn’t start well for me, as I didn’t accept this as the Solstice gift it was, only as a terrible start to a terrible day.

My day went on as that. Terrible.

When the Lover got home, I decided on a ritual for myself.

I prepared the bathroom by cleaning the tub with Borax. After it was washed and rinsed I filled it with water as hot as I could stand. To it I added some Rose oil. I prepared the bathroom candles (Jasmine) and then turned the lights off. I stood in front of the full length mirror and undressed. I stared at my body.

I am having a tough time with my body these days. I am inbetween and I hate it. I am amazed and empowered by my body, having borne two daughters who will later give birth, ad infinitum. I am also horrified by my body. Ugly. Sagging skin. Falling breasts. I am 27.

I slipped into the water and squatted as if to give birth. I slipped my first two fingers of my power hand into my vagina to ease out some of the blood for the water. With the blood on my fingers, I painted a spiral on my belly to invoke the Goddess.

I layed down in the water and the spiral washed away, but the warmth of the water, the womb of the Mother, let me know she was there to comfort me, to help me understand the gift she gave me on this Solstice, to help me with the pain my body had.

I stayed in the water and bled until I felt comforted.

I awoke happier today.